Three Ways to Come Out of a Shame Spiral

Shame spirals can feel like an emotional quicksand, pulling you deeper and deeper into self-criticism and despair. Recently, I found myself caught in one, and I forgot just how hard it can feel to get out of it. I had made a mistake—nothing major in hindsight, but at the time, it felt huge. The familiar narrative started playing in my head: “Why did I do that? I shouldn’t be doing that anymore!” Before I knew it, I was spiraling, drowning in a flood of negative thoughts and emotions.

I could feel myself getting sucked deeper into it, but every attempt to pull myself out seemed futile. It wasn’t until I took a step back and applied some of the strategies I teach my clients that I was able to find my way back to solid ground.

Here are three powerful ways to help you break free from a shame spiral fast and reclaim your sense of self-worth.

1. Name It

The first step to breaking free from a shame spiral is to name what’s happening. When you feel that familiar sinking feeling, pause and acknowledge it: "I’m in a shame spiral right now." By naming it, you create a sense of separation between you and the emotion. There’s an expression in therapy called “naming it to tame it.” When you name an emotion, you bring it into the light and it can calms down. Magic!! or just science-haha.

Naming your shame also gives you the opportunity to recognize it as a temporary state rather than a defining feature of who you are. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “I am a failure” or “I am unworthy,” but these are just thoughts—thoughts you can observe and challenge. By naming the spiral, you take the first step towards coming back to yourself.

2. Move Your Body to Shift Your Mind

Shame isn’t just a mental or emotional experience; it’s also deeply embodied. When you’re in a shame spiral, your body may feel heavy, tense, or sluggish. Moving your body can help disrupt these physical patterns and create a shift in your emotional and mental state.

Exercise is a powerful tool to change the narrative your brain is spinning. When you move—whether it’s through a walk, yoga, dancing, or even just stretching—you’re sending signals to your brain that you’re taking action, that you’re not stuck. Movement releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters, and it also helps to release the tension that shame creates in your body.

Even just a few minutes of movement can make a difference. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, try standing up and shaking out your arms and legs, or take a brisk walk around your block. Notice how your breath deepens and your thoughts begin to clear. Moving your body reminds your brain that you are resilient, capable, and not defined by your shame.

3. Connect with Someone You Trust

The antidote to shame is often found in connection. Reaching out to someone you trust—a friend, partner, or therapist—can be a powerful way to break the spiral (Thank you Natty).

When you share what you’re experiencing with someone who cares about you, it can help to dissipate the shame. They can offer you perspective, remind you of your strengths, and reassure you that you’re not alone in your struggles. Just the act of voicing your shame to someone else can strip it of its secrecy, and in doing so, weaken its hold on you.